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(Monday, July 16, 2007-)
+7/16/2007 09:21:00 PM]*
To that someone,
Although everything ended ages ago, I'd be lying if i said that u've completely meant nothing to me. No, i do not feel for you, but somehow, whenever i read or hear or come into contact with anything regarding you, thoughts and memories start to fill my mind. Yes, i've gotten over you and yes, that feeling that i once felt is no longer there, but somehow, i dun feel good, or even right when i come into contact with anything regarding you. Moving on in life, i've told myself that everything's changed, nothing in the past is what used to be. You've changed and i have too. You enjoy your life now and i'm happy inside mine. You've got your own life, you run your own life and i've mine, i run mine. Our lives no longer inter-twine like they used to.
I really dunno why is it that i'm feeling this way, is it because i have yet to let you go, or is it that i have yet to let myself go.
Our past has changed both of us, you've changed me, i've changed you. I look back on the past 3, 4 years spent with you and indeed, we did have our happy moments and we did have our sad moments too. However, this past whole year has just been spent by me trying to control back your life again and you trying to get back your freedom.
I really do not know whether I can start to trust you again after all that has happened.
Maybe you lied to not hurt me, maybe you lied because you didn’t want me to find out the truth, maybe you lied for my benefit, and maybe you lied to hurt me. It all doesn’t matter now.
I guess our aims have really changed over the past year, you hurt me trying to regain your freedom, and I hurt you trying to control your life. You hurt me again for trying to control your life and you hurt me in return for trying to do so. This cycle goes on and on till the point that we cannot take it anymore and we just scream and shout at each other, hurting each other more. We don’t aim to treat each other well or to make them happier, we aim to make their lives worst.
You were correct, i didn't treat you well, you didn't treat me well. And now, we try so hard to treat our other half better, not wanting to let history repeat itself.
Maybe, my initial decision was correct, we should really just stay away from each other till i return, maybe only then, everything will be back to normal again, maybe only then, everything will fall back into place.
I'm sorry.
Thank You for the past 3 odd years
Thank You for loving me during those times
Thank You for all the happiness you've brought me
Thank You for the numerous memories that fills the island
Thank You for all the outings, all the going outs, all the phone calls, all the messages
Thank You for teaching me so much there is to life
Thank You for true love, the way u told me it felt, the way you told me it was
Thank You for everything that you've done for me during this time
I'm sorry.
For the last time,
Cosmo Astro
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